I keep coming across this nagging feeling that I’m losing connection to my own insight. The closest I ever will come to a super power. Its fading because of my attempts to reconnect with the world.
As I try to shift my status toward being an active participant within society, I start to lose a part of myself I had gained and strengthened during my Lyme journey.I had began to discover what it takes to live a centered life. Despite my uncovering a start to this epiphany, I have since found myself left of center.
Though the message is basic, its difficult to maintain with so many surrounding extraneous inputs. A good number of them turn out to be meaningless static. Which, as it turns out, serves to reinforce my isolation–this, many people with chronic illness will understand. Such static reminds us the world can be a lonely place. Alone, surrounded by 7 billion people.
All the little everyday things we do, using up so much energy in those acts that I have come to feel distant from myself. Far left of center.
I remember feeling hopeful in taking my first step toward enlightenment–realizing the weight of finding one’s center and knowing how to get back again. At the moment, I feel clearly too distracted to find my way back. Being off-center brings a disconnect that I’m trying to bridge. Without a centered state, my ability to access my own insight remains inhibited. There are obstacles I can’t name that leave me believing that my only human super power may just fade for good.
Is there a lost and found box for that kind of thing?
I thought I had come to understand myself within a larger context. The act of living has clouded my point of view. In feeling removed from insight, it seems I have lost my compass.
My insight helped me to feel clear for the first time since my Lyme journey began. Even if it was vague and only in degrees, it meant something then. It was hope. Letting Lyme, in its horrific nature, not have been in vain. Insight is my point of view to live by. Giving meaning to the pain of my lost year. Making meaning from difficult days will be my silver lining as I meet tomorrow. Lyme will not have won.
Faded or not, I will find my super power even if engaging in this world feels like kryptonite.